Ayah Ashraf Sinclair: Senyum Saya Tadi Malam Lebih Dipaksakan dari Biasanya

JAKARTA, KOMPAS.com - Sosok Mohamed Anthony John Sinclair selalu menunjukkan ketegarannya sejak pemakaman putranya, Ashraf Sinclair, di San Diego Hills, Karawang, Jawa Barat pada 18 Februari 2020.

Sebagai ayah, Mohamed Sinclair tetap saja merasakan kehilangan yang begitu besar di balik wajahnya yang sering tersenyum.

"Saya dapat beraktivitas dari hari ke hari, tetapi banyak warna dari hidup saya yang hilang," tulis Mohamed Sinclair dalam unggahan di Instagram @marmalademagician yang dikutip Kompas.com, Minggu (1/3/2020).

Baca juga: Ibu Ashraf Sinclair: Fokus Utama Kami Sekarang Mendukung BCL dan Noah

Mertua penyanyi Bunga Citra Lestari (BCL) ini pun tak menampik jika dirinya masih rapuh, meskipun sudah mulai bisa beraktivitas seperti biasa setelah wafatnya Ashraf.

Menurutnya, banyak kondisi yang ia lakukan karena memang mau tidak mau harus dilakukan.

"Saya dapat tertawa, tersenyum, bercanda dengan teman dan keluarga dan berpose untuk wefie di tahlilan, tetapi banyak dari ini dilakukan karena itu harus dilakukan; senyum saya tadi malam lebih dipaksakan dari biasanya," tutur Mohamed Sinclair.

Baca juga: Ayah Ashraf Sinclair Curahkan Perasaan Pilunya Usai Ditinggal Sang Putra

Kini, Mohamed Sinclair hanya bisa mengungkapkan harapannya untuk sang anak.

 

 

 

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ON LOSS – A FATHER’S PERSPECTIVE It is almost two weeks since you left us so suddenly Ash. Last night was the final tahlil, at least until the 40th day. I was asked at your funeral how I felt, I said I didn’t have the words to adequately describe my feelings – but how do I feel right now? I actually have to stop for a while and look inwards to answer that. Numb, mainly. I can operate on a day to day basis, but much of the colour of my life is missing. I can laugh, smile, joke with friends and family, and pose for wefies at the tahlil but a lot of this is done because it has to be done; my smiles last night were more forced than usual. I was, and remain, genuinely touched by what people, often complete strangers, said to me about how Ashraf had impacted their lives in all manner of ways. One person took the time to write me a beautiful and touching letter via e-mail; he didn’t know either Ashraf or Bunga but he recognized the pain of a father who had lost his son and he took the time to reach out to me. Thank you sir. I am deeply touched by his gesture, and the gestures of so many others. I tried to reply to all the messages of condolence that flooded in, both as a form of therapy and to keep myself occupied, particularly in the first few days. Numb, until a wave of pain, loss and sorrow comes sweeping over me; sometimes quite small, and I can blink back the tears, and other times leaving me silently sobbing into my hands. Then, as quickly as it had come, it subsides and leaves me and a measure of calmness takes its place – somewhat wetter in many cases, but calmer. If it is like that for me, then how can it be for Bunga, amazing and strong lady that she is, and 9 year old Noah? One of the things that hurts most is not a feeling of ‘why’, but of helplessness: helpless to alleviate the pain of others, helpless in not being able to turn the clock back, of even to be able to offer myself in exchange for his life, as any parent would do, without a thought and in a heartbeat. My dearest Ashraf, you have gone so suddenly from our lives, and we, as friends and family, struggle to make sense of it. Though we mourn for you, you are now beyond us, gone b

A post shared by Pak Mat Marmalade Magician (@marmalademagician) on Feb 29, 2020 at 3:25pm PST

"My dearest Ashraf, kau telah pergi sangat mendadak dari hidup kami, dan kami sebagai teman dan keluarga, berjuang untuk memahami itu. Meskipun kami berduka untuk kau, kau sekarang di luar jangkauan kami, lebih dulu daripada yang diungkapkan oleh ungkapan itu," tulis Mohamed Sinclair.

Ia juga mengucapkan terima kasih bagi Ashraf yang telah membawa banyak hal selama 40 tahun hidupnya.

Baca juga: Adik Ipar Ashraf Sinclair: BCL Menyanyi dari Hatinya...

"Tuhan memberkatimu Ashraf dan terima kasih atas segalanya," ujar Mohamed Sinclair.

Ashraf Sinclair meninggal dunia pada Selasa (18/2/2020) karena serangan jantung.

Pada hari yang sama, Ashraf dimakamkan di San Diego Hills, Karawang, Jawa Barat.

Baca juga: Nyanyi Lagu Ini, BCL Ingat Perasaan Saat Awal Pacaran dengan Ashraf Sinclair

Ashraf merupakan aktor Malaysia yang menikah dengan BCL dan dikaruniai seorang putra, Noah.

Keluarga besar BCL menggelar tahlilan hingga hari ketujuh meninggalnya Ashraf di kediamannya di Pejaten, Jakarta Selatan.

Kemudian pada Sabtu (29/2/2020) malam, keluarga besar Ashraf menggelar tahlilan Ashraf Sinclair di Malaysia.